Making big decisions is hard.
Your life is shaped by big decisions. Your choices set up your future – for better or worse, you are where you are because of you!
There’s a huge difference between letting life happen to you and taking ownership of your future through your choices – one creates a life of fearfulness and the other creates a life of fearlessness.
In order to experience a future filled with your heart’s desire, you have to be willing to slow down, listen, and then take the risk. You must choose, without a doubt, to own the big decisions in your life.
Once you decide to own them and are ready to make hard choices that force you towards the tough decisions that affect your life, that’s when we usually get stuck on one thing – how?
How do I know what the best decision is? I’m willing to risk big to live out the life I desire – but how do I know which risk is right and which is wrong? How do I know everything will work out ok?
I’ve asked myself these questions so many times throughout my life. The first “big decision” I asked myself, as an adult, was: Should I get a divorce? Should I stay with a partner whom I am not in love with? Should I settle on a comfortable situation? Should I let it all go? Should I become a single parent? Should I stay and work harder to be right for this person or should I trust my heart knows best … the list goes on and on!
Here’s what I’ve learned in 22 years of making big, life-altering, tough, and absolutely amazing decisions:
First things first, dig deep into your heart and seek true counsel from the source (aka: unconditional love). By quieting your mind and listening to your heart whispers, the best path for you will prevail. Your heart does not invite “ego” to create a path focused on money, justify a partner who doesn’t share the same beliefs as you, or make you feel dependent on others to feel whole. Many of life’s less favourable choices can be avoided simply by understanding where they came from (mind or heart) and what story you created to allow them to take power in your life. Looking outward to those close to you – one or two people in your life whose lives you admire and whose opinion you trust are considered wise counsel. Keep in mind, if you ask more than two people what to do, you’re not just looking for someone to give you an honest ear… you’re looking for someone to agree or validate “your story”.
The path for your life isn’t a treasure map – it’s more like a choose your own adventure kind of idea. You get to decide, on a daily basis, what is the best and most spiritually healthy life is for you – regardless of all that surrounds you. Don’t be afraid that you are living one decision away from ruining your future – that’s not how your true path works. If it doesn’t go against what you believe or don’t want for yourself – then it’s up to you and you always get to choose what you feel is best for you. IT CAN BE SCARY, BUT IT CAN ALSO BE AMAZING.
Here are three questions I ask myself when I make a big decision.
Disclaimer: I have made many other big decisions since this one. Each proving to be a stepping block from the past towards the future… The questions still remain the same.
- Be honest with yourself: is this your comfort or your calling?
Sometimes we extend segments in our lives that are meant for a certain amount of time. Seventeen years ago when I was eight months pregnant with my first child, I had this ”feeling” I was about to begin parenthood with the wrong partner. We had been together for six years. Becoming a new mom and the thought of doing it all alone was scary and I didn’t have a clue of how to be a parent. I had a partner who I loved and a stable life that surrounded me. It was very tempting to just…stay. Stay in my comfortable new family. Stay in a house I owned with him. Stay in a financially safe situation. I knew I loved the idea of staying because I loved the idea of a family where there was no divorce and the time I had already invested into our relationship. If I chose to stay, to avoid something hard (divorce), I would have been extending a segment in my life that was only meant for eight years – the length of our relationship. To stay wouldn’t have been bad and I could have probably settled, but it wouldn’t have been the true and best path for me. I had to follow my heart’s whisper and leave “that” segment of my path to begin a new segment towards where I would continue to live a true path for myself.
- Where will I have the desired outcome and where will I be the most challenged to receive this outcome?
What will challenge you the most? Where can you do the most good or bring the most life to your path? A common misconception is that you must suffer to live a life full of all you desire. This is not true, please do not believe this. You are not meant to suffer in order to receive joy, contentment, happiness, or love… in your life. This, however, does not clear you from feeling uncomfortable along the way.
After four years of being a single mom, I made the choice to share my life (again) with the most amazing man because I feel joy with him in my life – this does not mean our relationship is not challenging. He has his “things”. And I have mine. He, also, doesn’t let me settle. He knows my capacity and constantly helps me live up to and exceed what I think I can accomplish. He believes in me to the moon and back. Sometimes, that feels like a lot of pressure, but he says, I do the same for him.
Choosing who you are going to share your life with can be scary – it’s for as long as you’re happy and maybe even forever – but when you allow your heart to make that big decision – it’s not difficult. I like to apply a similar course of action to all my big decisions – treat them like choosing a partner – because, in my opinion who you share your life with is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make and usually it is made with the most care we have to offer.
- Am I motivated by fear?
Fear is the killer of all good intentions. Fear ruins plans and eats away at your life with regret, bitterness, and anxiety.
Spend time identifying your hearts intentions and learn to understand the difference between her and the mind – let nothing you decide be ruled by fear (ego/mind)
Here are some common fears to look out for that can lead you away from the best decision for your future:
‘I’m afraid if I throw myself out there, I will fail.’
‘I’m afraid if I leave a situation, I will not find a better one.’
‘I’m afraid if I do it, someone else will do it better.’
‘I’m afraid if I agree, I will lose my independence.’
‘I’m afraid if I move, I will not like where I’ve moved to.’
‘I’m afraid people will judge me.’
“I’m afraid if I let go of the financial security I have now, I will not have it in the future.”
The ‘I’m afraid’s’ can go on forever. They are stories your ego will continue to make up for you to challenge your true path. Look into your heart, your attitude, and your spirit – the choice(s) you feel in your heart will create great outcomes in your life. The choices that feel dangerously dependent on what the heart feels, head in that direction… your heart is a safe place to make big decisions from, but usually not very comfortable. This is when you know, it’s probably the best choice for your path. Try to have patience in the process and practice listening to your heart.
What has your heart said to you lately?